Blonde Cookbook

It's fun to cook for Steve. Today I made Angel food cake.  The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.  The neighbours were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. 

Steve wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Steve brought a friend home for supper. 

A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

 

Today Steve asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Steve asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

  I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Steve's folks came to dinner.  I wanted to serve roast but all I had was a hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius...I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast.  It still came out a hamburger, much to my dissapointment.

 GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Steve. If I can talk Steve into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

 

 

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the shop with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12.. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crying, the wind will come along and
your face will get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a field?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like you"

sUiCiDe

You've decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out. Fine -- but before you kill yourself, consider these facts: Suicide is not usually successful. You know a guaranteed way? Ask the 25yr old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But, both of his arms are gone. what about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent, with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he lept from a building. Now, he's brain damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But, worst of all, he knows & remembers when he used to be normal. What about pills? Ask the 12yr old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go. What about a gun? Ask the 24yd old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his "foolproof" suicide. You might too. But .. who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling?   Commercial cleaning companies may refuse the job -- but someone has to do it. Who will cut you down from where you hung yourself, or identify your bloated body after you've drowned? Your father? Your mother? Your sister or brother? The carefully worded "loving" suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will never completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain. Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. You do have other choices. There are people you can help you through this crisis. Call a # hotline. Call a friend. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police. They will tell you there's hope. Maybe in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away.   You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it? Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later. And we'll work with whatever you have left. If you are reading this, steal it and put it in your site too. If you're seriously considering this permanent solution to a temporary problem, please find help. This isn't the way to go, you may think that everyone would just be better  off without you, but have you ever seen a family who has lost a loved one to suicide? They're messed up, the parents usually get divorced, the siblings never talk to each other. This not only ends your life, it changes everything for everyone who were  around you  the lives of others around you, but not in a good way. There are people who love you,  and people who have been through the same things as you, even though it may not seem like it at times. So please, seek help.

 Footballs finished now but.......

 

 

 

 Quote: Carole Loftman an ordinary gal

 

 

 

 

 

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